Because we are Survivors, thinking about the future and any New Year’s Resolutions should include planning for the lack of a pleasant future. These plans, goals, or resolutions do not have to focus solely on the Apocalypse: not all non-apocalyptic futures are pleasant.
Fortunately, planning for the Apocalypse and trying to avoid having an unpleasant year are not mutually exclusive. Resolutions you make can easily concern the possibility of having to survive an apocalypse, avoiding and unpleasant future, and enhancing your current existence. In fact, if properly applied, many of the items on most people’s lists can aid in all these endeavors.
Improving your diet by avoiding foods that are bad for you (e.g. – fast food, high cholesterol vittles, anything with an ingredient list resembling the periodic table) will improve your overall health and increase your alertness. I am not going to lie and say I know how this works. I don’t; I’m not a medical professional. However, I do know it works. Science has proven that the fuel we choose for our bodies has an immense effect on how well our bodies and minds work.
Get More Exercise
Exercise, like eating well, has awesome health benefits. It boosts the metabolism, aids in weight loss, builds muscle, improves stamina, and helps you sleep better. All these benefits will improve your present life; help you avoid unpleasantries like illness as well as aches and pains; and give you the physical abilities to evade and eventually destroy the Robot Army of Impending Doom.
And despite what some people may tell you, getting exercise does not mean joining a gym and pretending to be a hamster. Don’t get me wrong: treadmills are great if I can’t get any other exercise. I, however, prefer kickboxing. I hear some people go outside and run. Others kayak. Still others play organized sports. Whatever you do, it doesn’t really matter so long as you are moving, you get your heart rate up, and break a sweat.
Stop Killing Kittens
Get professional help.
Quitting smoking is hard. You may want to look into getting professional help for this one too. Smoking cessation is difficult and while some people can do it without help, others cannot. Survivors get help when we need it.
Learn to Make Violin Strings
Look into synthetics.
Eating better is one of those resolutions that shows up on my list every year. For a couple of weeks I do great. I eat salad every day and grilled chicken and avoid simple carbohydrates and do all the other things I know consist of eating healthfully. But the reason it’s on there every year is that I only maintain it for a couple of weeks, then I have a Bad Day and everything falls apart and I stop even trying.
This is bad. We do not quit just because things got a little rough. Victims do that. The girls who run from axe murders in a negligee and heels screaming the whole time until she falls down, whimpers, gets up, falls down again, then waits there crying more loudly than anyone should be able to covered in her own snot for the bad guy to hack her to bits are the ones who quit. F’ that. We are the ones who think ahead and put on f'ing pants and running shoes and stop the baddy!
So in addition to any resolution I make this year, I am keeping in mind that I am a Survivor – capital letter deserved – and I do not give up. Despite that antiquated and asinine cliché, one bad apple does not spoil the bunch. Nor does one Bad Day – nay! remove the capitals – bad day, ruin the year.
What are your New Year Resolutions and how will they affect your life and survival? Tell us in the comments!
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