Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Ho, Ho, Hold your weapons!

The holidays are upon us. While this time of year tends to be joyous (or so I am told), there is no guarantee that the Apocalypse won't happen now. Try to structure your festivities, feasts, and frolicking so that you and your loved ones have the best chance for survival should Robot Santa attack.

I know playing host can be tiresome. All the preparing, cleaning, cooking, and then cleaning again when everyone leaves is not exactly desirable, but if your home is already a fortress, you should think about having a few (if not all) the parties at your place.

Having the parties and socials at your home or near it will give you the peace of mind of knowing that you can hunker down and ride out the storm. Being close to your personal fortress also means being close to your arsenal.

Yeah, the cleaning is a chore, but you won't have to travel on all those cold, blustery winter nights. No dodging the height impaired spies of a megalomaniacal voyeur who considers himself judge, jury, and executioner for you!

If you do find yourself traveling, remember to bring along essential items. Every woman has her arsenal of necessary items. Do not forget that simple items often have more than one use and can make great survival tools in a pinch.

Personally, I'm not usually a fan of the practical gift. It's a gift! It should be fun! If I wanted socks, I would damn well buy myself socks. However, I am a believer in giving fun gifts that are also practical (I do not mean whimsical socks).

Give your loved ones self-defense lessons, gym memberships, fitness DVDs, sporting goods, or other games and toys that will get them moving and their blood pumping. Survival skills don't mean much if the basic fitness isn't there.

This can be a little sticky: sometimes people think that a fitness gift means you think they're fat. Listen to what your friends and family say before the holidays to get ideas for fitness minded presents. Mom noted that all her friends rave about their Zumba classes? Casually find out where they go and get her some classes. Your sister likes to watch football? Instead of getting her a video game, get her a ball. Offer to bond with her while throwing the old pig skin around.

Holiday Libations
For some, drinking is a huge part of the holiday season. Specialty drinks like egg nog tend to make the holiday feel a bit more special. Sure, you could have anything you want at any time - provided you know how to make your beverage of choice and have the ingredients available - but mulled cider with spiced rum isn't really a summer drink, now is it?

I'm no teetotaler to be sure, but I do advise moderation. Drinking to excess has some nasty side effects on its own. Mix an apocalypse with that and, well, you're dead. Dampening your reflexes and decision making abilities is a sure way to end yourself during an emergency.

How will you celebrate the holidays? What will you do to give your friends and family an edge? Tell us in the comments!

Follow us @Anypocalypse

Suggest a topic!

No comments:

Post a Comment