Sunday, March 6, 2011

Uzi or Ukulele?

Choosing the right weapon is like choosing the right shoe. You have to take a number of factors into account. Where will you be? What is the terrain like? How close or far will you be from whomever will experience said weapon? Will you be running?

If you are in the woods running from a mad axeman, wearing your Jimmy Choo strappy sandals is not a great idea. Not only are you going to ruin that signature shoe, but you are apt to break an ankle. Similarly, if you are being chased by a mad axeman, when you have to fight back, you’ll want a weapon on hand. It will have to be easily transported and usable at a safe distance.

Also like shoes, the number of possible weapons is staggering. Guns, knives, axes, cross bows, maces, shivs, poison, electricity, vehicles, blunt objects…All weapons that are not inventions of necessity need to be researched and practiced before you find yourself using them.

If guns are your weapon of choice, take gun safety and shooting lessons. Cross bows, take archery classes. Blunt objects, string up watermelons in trees as piƱatas.

This weapon has a number of items in its subset. Some are small enough to hide in your cleavage. Others need to be wheeled about on vehicles. When choosing the right gun, look for something you’ll be able to handle. If it’s too heavy to carry, it’s probably best left alone. Unless you have the upper body strength of Linda Hamilton a la Termintator 2, stay away from the guns with loads of kickback. Also, be aware that you’ll need to be able to carry extra ammo and reload quickly.

Blunt Objects
While these are often more children of necessity than a predetermined weapon, learning to wield one successfully could save your life. For example, if you are petite or need to lift a few weights, choke up on the bat to increase the strength of your swing.

Sharp Objects
Sharps are as varied as guns. Choose a weapon that is light enough to control, but strong enough to do damage. A butter knife may be easy to control, but attacking someone with one is just silly. Half the time they can’t even cut cold butter! Go for the butcher’s knife! To learn how to safely and effectively wield a knife, take a cooking class that focuses on meats. For larger weapons like kitanas and swords, look into taking fencing or martial arts classes.

Whatever your choice, be sure to take your own physical attributes into consideration.  Be sure to try your weapons on before the big event: everything is uncomfortable before it's properly broken in.

What weapons would you choose?  How would you prepare? Tell us in the comments.

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  1. I recommend a Ruger 10/22 as a rifle in a in a survival situation. Small rounds, but they're comparatively quiet, easily repairable, perfect for taking small game, and can puncture a zombie's skull. They're an all-around tool. For a knife, I'd go with both a Gerber Multi-Tool AND a Ka-Bar. The Gerber is a sweet utility tool, and the Ka-Bar keeps a good edge/has intimidation factor

  2. If the horde is on their way you may want something bigger than a .22! Most of the free world runs on 9mm so ammo is light a plentiful. Most semi automatics can hold 10-20 shots so at least you'll have a fighting chance (and some stopping power). Also never count on just one gun. If tv/movies have taught us anything it's that guns will jam at exactly when you need them most. For my recommendations I go with a 9mm beretta for the horde, a sig 45 for the big ones, and a S&W 357 revolver for "oh shit" moments. Stay safe!!!

  3. TVs and movies have taught us that the gun isn't reliable except to jam. It's also taught me that kick-back is a bitch...which one of these has the least?

  4. Glocks are known for more than just being the envy of every rapper in existence. They are extremely light and have an amazing trigger that allows for a true squeeze as opposed to a pull like the 9mm Beretta. Ammo compatibility is not much of an issue unless you want to carry an Uzi with your handgun. .45s are too much, so I say for being light and compact with minimum kick back and the best reliability as far as jamming goes go with either the Glock 23 or the Glock 27. The 27 only holds 9 rounds as opposed to the 23's 13 but looses a half inch in size (because we all know some of us can hide more in our cleavage than others right HJR?)

  5. Sorry forgot to say that those guns are both .40 cal.

  6. Awesome! And you are right: some gals can hide far more things in their cleavage than others. These women would be wise to keep that in mind when looking for places to store weapons and other provisions.

  7. agree with Anonymous 3 that glocks are great. I am just not a fan of plastic. If people are recoil sensitive the heavier the gun the better. Revolvers are great because they don't jam. If something fails just keep pulling. Eventually it will go "bang"!!! Glocks are also very expensive in Massachusetts because of the backwards laws. Old revolvers can be picked up cheap and will continue to function reliably with very, very, little maintenance. The most important thing with any gun is practice. Another TV message is that anyone can just pick one up and hit the bad guys (regardless of distance/movement/ability). This just isn't the case. Practice with whatever you are comfortable with, but practice until you're perfect!