Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Circus Performers Will Be All Set

I love my little sedan. She’s fast and sleek (for a sedan). She gets me to and fro. She’s economical on fuel. I have gotten into a few scrapes and tight spots with her, but would she really do as transport during an apocalypse?

Transportation is a major day-to-day concern. However, in order to get from point A to point B and avoid being eaten alive by giant rabid rats you will need to be able to handle any reliable and fuel efficient vehicle that can help you avoid those buck toothed rodents of doom.

Your options when it comes to acquiring a vehicle will only be limited by your ability to operate said vehicle. Honestly, if I find myself faced with certain doom at the hands of rat-man hybrids unless I steal an unoccupied vehicle, I’m taking that vehicle. And I may use it to take out some of the flesh eating freaks who forced me to become a thief.

That said, if you do not know how to drive standard, learn. Sure, most vehicles are automatic transmission now, but that does not mean you won’t need to know how to drive stick. It means that there is still a chance you will be confronted with no option other than to drive a manual transmission vehicle. (Plus, there is something innately sexy about a woman who can handle a stick.)

Practice driving and maneuvering as many types of vehicle as possible. Become equally proficient with hulking SUVs as you are with minis, sedans or coupes. Every automobile handles differently. Each has its own steering tension, maneuverability, center of gravity. If you drive a van the same way you drive a sedan, you are likely to topple that big boy over the first time you take a hard turn. Taking a van up on two wheels is awesome in the movies. In real life, it could be catastrophic.

Also learn how to ride motorcycles, dirt bikes, and bicycles well.

I admit it: I am afraid of motorcycles and dirt bikes. They are loud, fast, and heavy. If I tip a motorcycle over and it falls on me, there is a very real possibility that I will not be able to move its weight. Taking the time now to learn how to ride could save my life.

At first, fuel won’t be hard to come by. Gas and service stations will be available and possibly unoccupied during those first days of mutant rat-man infestation. However, after some time goes by, one or two things will happen: 1) the gas will be used up or 2) the electric will go out and the pumps will stop working.

When either of these unsavory options happens, you will need to be able to ride a bicycle like a pro or ride an animal. Depending on where you live, you will need to tailor your animal riding skills. Most of the world can get away with just learning how to ride horses. However, learning to ride donkeys, mules, elephants, or other large domesticated animals would behoove you.

What would your transport of choice be? Tell us in the comments!

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  1. If I have to use roller blades to survive the apocalypse, you might as well start digging my grave right now lol

  2. Why not get a transport plan together before the Big Event?

  3. I think that would be wisest lol