Saturday, January 28, 2012

Apocalypse Training?

Every once in a while, a Survivor has to test her mettle. She must put herself in a situation that requires quick thinking, a reliance on instincts, and the ability to make a conscious decision about whether to fight or to run. She needs to prove to herself that she will survive The Big One.

Since most sports - all of the ones I can think of at any rate - are games of war, any one of them could help in this endeavor. They are about two sides fighting to be the winner. They run. They chase. They attack! By Gods, they defend themselves, their side, and each other!

But this is organized madness. It has rules and standards and reliable outcomes. Despite the look of the field and the state of some of the players after the match is won, there is relatively little danger here. Okay, yes, I know: even with helmets, football players get brain injuries when they hit their heads. (By the way, technically speaking, that goes for anyone who takes a good wallop to the head.) But the madness is on a clock and there are people around trying to ensure that no one gets really hurt.
From U of T Magazine
If you're brave, and possibly a little reckless, try going to a less than reputable bar. I don't want anyone running off to their nearest biker bar or gang bar or whathaveyou bar. Almost any bar will do. Well, except possibly really posh bars where people go to be seen drinking expensive scotch they don't actually like and cannot really afford.

Go to a local place that's well established (i.e. - has been there a long while without a change in management) with a few friends. They should have a couple of bartenders and at least one bouncer. Bars that play hip hop and techno music are your best bets for a fight.

This isn't due to some racial stereotype. It's due to ageism. Younger people, particularly men, are more likely to get into bar fights than older ones.

Dress for the bar: if it's a jeans and T-shirt place, don't wear a sequinned dress and heels that would make a runway model feel uneasy. In fact, don't wear heels. Whatever outfit you wear, make sure to match it with flats. I repeat: flats. You can have fun while you're out, but this is a training exercise: wear proper shoes for Apocalypse Training. You wouldn't wear stilettos to the track.

If you want, have a drink. But have two at most. You want to blend in and have fun and chat with people. However, you do not want to get drunk. If you are drunk and a fight breaks out, how are you going to size up the situation and react effectively? The goal here is to go out, be "in" a bar fight, and not get hurt.

As far as actually being a part of the fight, try not to be. Good Survivors know how to pick their battles. Fighting one that doesn't actually pertain to anyone except a couple of drunk guys (or girls) who are posturing for the approval of their peers doesn't make sense.

While I am advising you to go out and essentially look for a fight, I am not telling you to fight. Go out into the world of uninhibited madness and learn the signs of a fight.

As weird as this sounds, the movies and TV didn't lie about this one: there really are signs that a bar brawl is about to break out. Time doesn't slow down and I've never heard of anyone having sudden flashes of the future. The signs are more a collection of ordinary things or events: drunk people in a bar; jovial teasing or taunting; loud music; lots of people in a small space; people getting bumped and jostled around. Look for these. (Did I mention that pretty much any bar will do?)

And listen to your instincts. Humans may be evolved, but we are still animals. If you pay attention to the little hairs on the back of your neck when they raise up in anticipation of danger, you will have a much better chance of avoiding said danger.

How will you train for the apocalypse? Tell us in the comments!

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