Thursday, July 14, 2011

Recycle? Are you kidding? I want EVERYTHING New!

Lately it seems that everyone is recycling. More and more companies around the globe are Going Green every day. Admittedly, some are probably just re-branding themselves without changing a gosh darned thing, but most are at least making a real effort. No matter how large or how small or what the motivation, they are trying.

Northern Rat Flea
So what? Since the Apocalypse is inevitable, recycling sort of seems like a waste of time and energy. Who cares what state the Earth is in in 100 years? Either we’ll all be dead or enslaved by giant rats who are themselves controlled by giant diseased fleas from outer space. And don’t go thinking that those outer space blood suckers will be kind masters who love their obedient slaves.

But I digress…we were talking about recycling now and why it is a waste of time. Or, rather, seems like a waste of time. You want to survive The Coming. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have stopped here to read about what to do.

If I assume you are human, I can also safely assume you will want to throw off the shackles of The Voracious Beasts from Beyond. We humans have a very long history of being enslaved and (after a period of time) throwing off our shackles to rise against those who have enslaved us. Let’s consider those events scrimmages to prepare ourselves for the Real Battle.

Part of the real battle, part of surviving, will be thinking of objects in new ways. This is where the effort of recycling comes into play now.

Some companies have built an entire business on thinking of things in new ways. In Avon, MA there is a relatively small company that sells nothing but recycled goods. It takes what most people consider useless waste items - like old tires - and recycles them into floor tiles.

Recycling could save the planet, but getting used to re-using bottles, cans, and other waste object now could save your life. How easy do you think it will be to get brand new things on a whim when you are hiding from The Voracious Beasts From Beyond?

I could be wrong, but I don’t think it will be terribly easy at all. I have a sneaking, crawling suspicion that is slithering its languid way down my spine that getting anything new (or even new-ish) may be more difficult than any of us can imagine…

However, if we learn now to reuse the plastic drink cup in which we received our iced coffees or to recycle that cardboard toilet paper tube or to reduce the amount of waste we create, we stand a chance at survival. Sure, these actions will help save the planet. Who gives a monkey’s turd about that? One way or the other, we’ll be dead.

But if we learn to think of that toilet paper tube as a handy way to keep cords neat or that coffee cup as, well, a viable cup we have a chance of living to see the shackles clamped onto us by The Voracious Beasts from Beyond thrown off! We could live to see the day when humans attain their freedom again and re-appropriate The Beasts’ skulls…

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