Saturday, March 29, 2014

The Facts of Life

In this hemisphere, we are starting to see and feel spring. The weather is noticeably warmer, but a bit rainy. The ground is thawing and trees are beginning to bud; my allergies are starting to kick up. More people are out and about since leaving the house does not involve twelve layers not including the waterproof.

You take the good, you take the bad...

Life is full of good and bad. Finding the bad in the good is no feat. It's easy to let one rotten apple nuke the orchard. Letting setbacks or inconveniences ruin an otherwise good experience is, for some, entirely too effortless.
Disney's Snow White's apple mid-poisoning

A much harder task is taking the bad and finding the good. What if that rotten apple not only doesn't give the entire orchard radiation poisoning? What if it inspires the orchard owner to create a tasty, alcoholic beverage out of apples? (Yes, I am talking about hard cider. No, I do not think that the apples are left to rot on the branches before highly trained wizards and witches cast spells to turn the apples into a beverage I enjoy. Yes, I think highly trained wizards and witches make hard cider.)

When the Overlords of Crabappleon attack our planet and decimate Earth's population, we will have to figure out how to spin the situation so that the world is still a place in which we want to live.

If it's easy to ruin a day to the park by focusing on that one obnoxious child who insists on speaking about Pokemon in a high-pitched, nasally voice as loud as he can, imagine how hard maintaining a will to live will be when sentient, angry, and mobile trees from outer space are trying to harvest as many humans as possible.

What could the possible benefits of having the Overlords of Crabappleon try to destroy us be?
  • Giant trees will be easy to see coming.
  • People will be small like chipmunks compared to the invaders, so we'll be able to hide more easily than larger animals.
  • Our enemy are fruit bearing trees: every enemy destroyed will feed a small village!
  • Since plants breathe carbon dioxide, the Overlords of Crabappleon will make significant strides towards repairing air pollution.
However, focusing on the positive does not mean that we should not strive to correct the problem. Finding the platinum lining ensures that we have the hope to live and fight another day: after all, if there is good in this situation, life will be amazing after we chop those bastards down and use the lot of them for kindling!

Follow me on Twitter: @Anypocalypse

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