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Wednesday, February 2, 2011

How Does a Lady Survive a Snowpocalyptic Winter?





Under the best circumstances, winter is inconvenient in many places. The further north (or south, depending on your hemisphere), the more inconvenient the weather. But what if that weather were more than just inconvenient? What if places that normally don’t get snow did?

How would you survive a snowpocalyptic winter?


Don’t panic. Admittedly, we aren’t just talking about a normal snow fall or even a snow fall of record highs, but hysterics are the enemy. We are talking about a Snowpocalypse: record highs of snow fall does not describe this event. (Regardless of the apocalypse, panic is the enemy. It causes irrational behavior, poor judgment, and general fatal idiocy.)

Make your shelter ├╝ber winter ready.
Decorative towels, while excellent bathroom accessories, also serve as wonderful tools to reduce drafts that may come in under doors and through windows.

If a hand cloth or towel will not suffice to block up a nasty draft, make a simple bread dough. Roll out the dough and twist into a medium sized rope. Then fit the rope around the crevices where the draft is getting in. Dough is inherently sticky; it tends to adhere itself to any surface. Cook excess dough and enjoy a nice bread with dinner.

Be sure to have items on hand that you can burn for heat. Glossy fashion magazines create wonderful effects in the fire: the inks cause the flames to burn blue, green, and purple. Unfortunately, those effects do not last. Nor does the scant heat paper provides. You will need a fuel source that will last. (My, that is a lovely grandfather clock…and that oak end table, yes, your grandmother’s – well, that answers my question: it must be quite old.) Family heirlooms are only important if there is family left to enjoy them. Choose just a few small mementos that you can easily carry; the rest should be considered a potential fuel source. Of course, if you must burn items, start with the ones that are easiest to part with (like that K-Mart desk).

Important: fire must always be contained. Use a large soup pot as a vessel for the flame. The oven will work nicely as well. You will need a way to vent the smoke from anything you burn. Remember that drafty window? Building the fire near that draft could help to draw the smoke out.

Dining
Before disaster strikes, stock your cupboards with foods that will last and will provide the energy needed to survive. Once the snowpocalypse has begun, use your oven to help keep the home warm. When the power goes out because of frozen and downed power lines, use your secondary fuel sources both for heat and to cook.

Even if you don’t eat tuna fish, have a few cans in the cupboard. In a bind, tuna is a great source of protein. However, when the power goes out, a can of tuna can literally be a beacon in the night.

Important: do not eat snow or drink very cold water. Always melt and heat before consuming (preferably to a roiling boil). Consuming snow lowers your core temperature. This speeds up the possibility of organ damage (or failure) due to exposure. It also causes the body to burn more calories because raising the core temperature takes a lot of energy.

What to wear
Every woman needs a great wardrobe with lots of chic fashion choices. But what to wear while staying warm?
  • Sweaters are grand: they are both cute and warm.
  • Pants are better than skirts because they do not leave nearly as much skin exposed. Also, they are way cuter with boots.
  • Speaking of boots, finding ones that are both cute and warm is a challenge but one you are more than capable of accepting and mastering.
  • Gloves, hats and scarves are beautiful ways to keep the extremities warm. Be sure to choose items that are made for harsh winter weather.
Remember, layering is your friend! Cute clothes that are warm on their own are even warmer when mixed, matched, and laid upon one another.

What advice do you have for surviving the snowpocalypse?

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